[ she just shakes her head at the shadow's question. she's struggling to find her words. she wishes that she could be like kanji and put all of her thoughts and emotions into a punch and that's enough to convey everything to kido, but she can't do that. she also wishes that zen was here to help her find her words or leader and vice leader to guide her as they did before, but she has to do this. she's glad that she at least has terry, even if he's twenty feet back and probably has to yell so they can just barely hear him. ]

Discarding isn't changing. Growing and changing... it's-- it's taking the bad things that you really don't like about yourself and accepting them and learning from them. I know it's hard... and it's really easy to blame everyone else or yourself and to cut the things that you don't like, but that's why you try really hard and don't give up.

[ she takes a shaky breath. she recalls her own time in the hospital, when she was niko and thought it was so much easier to be bitter and angry, lashing out at others so she wouldn't get hurt... ]

Neechan is lucky. She's really lucky... like T-chan said, she has friends here. She's not alone. She doesn't have to do everything by herself, even if she thinks she has to.