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[open; 11/11 - 11/15] Personal Shadow Event

WRATH OF BONGOGAMI

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→ Lake dungeon, 2nd floor

No wind from outside blows towards the lake, no other indication that there's any reason to be down here. Sleet falls endlessly from above on the second floor, scattering ice pellets across the frozen ground and sticking to any wet surface from the passage out of the lake, and the sub-zero temperatures seem to have plummeted even lower. The Shadows on this floor seem constantly agitated these days, and several have peeled off from the main group to crowd around a new hole that has opened up in the middle of the area, but will ignore those who simply want to bypass them to get to the next floor.

ONIKUMA
Type Shadow	Resists Ice, Physical	Weak None
Giant Onikuma loom around the hole trying to swat anybody nearby down into it, whether Persona user or Shadow. Strong and durable, these Shadows are difficult to defeat, and their roars cause anybody who hears it to become Enraged, lashing out indiscriminately until calmed down by a status healing spell or item, or are knocked out. Indestructible claws can be collected as loot.

ARCTOS
Type Shadow	Resists Ice	Weak Fire
Packs of Arctos also mill around the hole, hunting in groups with fangs that Charm their foes with the slightest nick, causing them to fight on the Arctos' side while the Arctos attack from behind. Rather than trying to drive people into the hole, they're simply out for blood. Fangs that cause Charm, and small gems that heal any status ailment once can be collected as loot.

It would be advisable to stay away from the Shadows, but if, for whatever reason, you fight your way to the hole they're protecting, you're faced with a pit five feet wide and lined with spikes of stone and ice that protrude from the walls and jut out towards the center. Unlike the ice elsewhere on the floor, these spikes cannot be melted with fire, and the sleet continuously raining down makes them slick and hard to grasp. The hole is only thirty feet deep, but unless you climb down carefully, there's the danger of slipping and being skewered.

→ 2nd floor, ???

Upon reaching the bottom of the pit, you find yourself in a large cavern filled with floating doors, sets of stairs leading up to each one and seemingly infinite from the way the place stretches on without boundary. The area is just as frigid as the space above ground, but is lit by blue-white flames that provide no heat with their light. Touching the flames causes unprotected skin to blister similar to frostbite, and staying too long around them will sap your strength and life energy, but while they float around the cavern and are drawn towards people, they're slow enough to be outrun.

Each door looks exactly the same, some accessible from the stairwells, while some hang in mid-air and must be flown to in order to open them. Each door that is opened, there is nothing but empty space behind it, nothing more than a door frame with false promise of an exit. Because Ichi has great ideas, there is a small chance of opening a door and getting drawn into one of the memory or fear floors like in the shrine dungeon. It doesn't matter which doors are opened, in what order, or if the same one is slammed open and closed multiple times; on the 107th door that's opened on each given night, you can finally see through to the other side, at a pure white and empty room with Nekogami sitting at the center, tail swishing back and forth, the tips of his fur dark grey like soot. At the very back of the room, Shadow Kido is seated upon a throne of ice, staring back with golden eyes.

In your head, you hear her voice, soft and slow: "What would you sacrifice to get her back?"

There is nothing preventing you from walking through the door without another word. But when approaching an Emperor and a cat god, perhaps you should follow tradition and make an offering.

You know what? Fuck it. As of 11/13, the room is covered with copious amounts of blood and there is no barrier to talk to the Shadow and nobody is allowed to sacrifice anything wtf. She's still there on her throne, but she has zombie Rei on her lap and Nekogami on Rei's lap and everything sucks.

→ NOTES

⬥ ICly, this dungeon will appear on 11/11 and the event is expected to conclude by 11/15, although the dungeon itself will remain until the end of the month. OOCly there is no deadline for getting Kido to accept her Shadow, but if the Shadow is killed at any time even once, the end result will be ego death. If this happens, Kido will not be able to be revived and will remain a zombie for the rest of the game.
⬥ Character must engage with Nekogami first before he will step aside to allow passage to Kido's Shadow, but there are ways to convince him without fighting depending on 1) who the character is, 2) their first action, and 3) whether and what they choose to "sacrifice."
⬥ The "sacrifice" may be physically offered or spoken out loud, but Nekogami will take whatever is offered, whether it is something tangible or conceptual. Depending on the nature of the sacrifice, Nekogami may be appeased and easier to reason with, or enraged and prompted to begin the fight. Sacrifices may or may not be returned at the end of the battle.
⬥ The toplevel to interact with Shadow Kido will be unscreened after the first time Nekogami is either defeated, or convinced to let a character through. Shadow Kido will only interact with those recognized by Nekogami, either through a thread or otherwise discussed. This is to establish how the interaction with Nekogami will affect the interaction with Shadow Kido.
⬥ Kido will unavailable until her Shadow is either 1) persuaded to let her go and be accepted, or 2) killed, resulting in an ego death.
⬥ This month, the full moon occurs on 11/11 - 11/13, so... haha.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ thank god that no one can read each others' minds... rei will literally say and do this word-by-word if terry and nekogami start to fight. ]

[ rei peeks out a little bit more when nekogami comes closer. she's a little afraid, concerned that maybe nekogami will hurt them but also if she says the wrong thing, everything will go south. her hand tightens around terry's as she tries to speak up. her other hand is bundled up in the sweater, kneading it nervously. ]

Um... I-I know that you're doing this for neechan, to try and keep her safe... but if her Shadow takes over, I think it's only going to get worse...

[ Thank god no one can read each others' minds, because Nekogami would stare Rei in the eyes and go "Well, I think you're fucking wrong."

But that much is obvious, considering the fact that this entire dungeon's come into being and how many people Nekogami's already had to kick out of the place. If they let him get close enough, he bumps the top of his head against Rei's leg, ice cold but soft.

Get out of here before I have to kill you. ]

[ There is no way Terry is letting Nekogami anywhere near Rei, so unfortunately there is no cute headbumping when he steps forward to block him off, but then he feels... a weird urge tugging at his head. He hates this already. It feels like brainwashing lite. ]

... You saw what happened with Kido's dad, didn't you? He was also making decisions for her, and you know that didn't end well.

[ rei squeezes terry's hand once after he steps forward. she's glad that he's there to protect her, but also, she doesn't want him to get ahead of himself and she also doesn't nekogami to feel threatened. she'll bend down a bit to get more on an even eye-level with the cat, dragging down terry with her if she has to. ]

Mmhm, and... and Shadows are really aggressive...

[ this is hard for her to talk about, both because she's drawing so much from her own experience so it's frightening but also because she's not used to such heavy conversations. it's hard for her to get her words straight and her thoughts untangled. ]

Neechan's Shadow might protect her, but she'll keep getting into fights... she'll get mad really easily and-- and she'd get dangerous and attack even her friends...

[ Thanks, Rei. Nekogami is still a ghost cat, though, so he lifts himself up in the air so she doesn't have to keep bending her neck down— and also so he can keep an eye on Terry, moving to put her between them so that Nekogami's using Rei as a shield just as much as Terry is.

To everything that Rei says, Nekogami just lets out a long, drawn out meow. A "yeah, yeah" meow, because Kido already gets mad really really easily, just not around Rei because she takes care not to. Whether she'd get dangerous and attack her friends... it depends on those friends, like how he's not attacking Rei, but every time he looks over at Terry, his tail twitches irritably and he would, at the slightest provocation.

It's his ears that flick, though, making a loop around Rei and pointing his nose over at the far end of the room where Kido's Shadow waits. Kido will be fine; she'll just be like this. Even as a Shadow, she's not some psychopath swinging axes at people's heads and crushing their throats. ]

[ Terry tries to think back on the conversation he had with Akira and Minato. As much as a part of him doesn’t really want to deal with Nekogami’s attitude towards him—being stubborn, dictating what only he thinks is right—he needs to swallow his pride if he wants to save Kido from being taken over by a Shadow. And from Rei’s knowledge, he’s also figured out that you don’t necessarily have to die for a Shadow to take over either. He breathes out. He needs to set some things aside. ]

Last time I was here, I was wrong.

[ Terry holds onto Rei’s hand tightly in an attempt to stay calm as he continues to talk. ]

Hosts don’t need to die in order to have a Shadow take over. If that’s the case, the reason why you and the Shadow are waiting here is because Kido is resisting, isn’t she? You want to protect her, but you know what…? You’re not the only one. I do too. Rei does. Her friends do too. She means a lot to us, despite what you might think. You gave me a lot of chances and I messed up a lot, but that doesn’t mean I want to give up on protecting her. You hate me, but that’s a fact and you’ll just have to accept it. She’s a part of our family, just as she thinks of us as part of it too. The reason why we love Kido is because of all the traits that her… her. You’re a part of her too, a stubborn part of her, yeah, but a person can’t just be that trait alone. They’re not just that. They’re a lot of things. You can’t just pick and choose what you like about a person and have that person only be that. That’s not how people are.

[ He doesn’t think he understands that much about people, so if Nekogami doesn’t even understand that… well, he’ll just hold his thoughts while holding in the extreme urge to pet him. ]

[ rei follows nekogami's gaze towards the shadow and she looks up at terry then back at the ghost cat. she nods in agreement with terry. ]

And if neechan becomes her Shadow, she'll lose all the good things about her. Shadows are just bad thoughts and feelings that are blown up. Neechan won't be herself anymore...

[ can she pet nekogami? like the way that she's holding onto terry's hand, she wants to reach out and pet him if that'll help in any way. maybe it's a bad idea but at least she can heal herself. ]

Please, Nekogami, can you give us another chance? I -- I'd do anything to keep neechan safe.

[ He becomes solid for Rei to touch him, but if Terry also tries to reach for him, both their hands are going to pass through his ghosty body.

He still wants them to leave, because he's given out soooooo many chances, and even if Kido forgives people, having everything thrown back at her face and having to experience dying again and again over the past few days, it really took its toll. Having to drive away so many people in one day has taken its toll. He also has a lot to say about the whole family business, but that's something better said with real words and not meows.

So, fine. Nekogami pulls back and glides through the air towards the back of the room to be by the Shadow's side. Rei can freely follow, but Terry will run into the barrier. Haha. ]

[ Terry can't see the barrier since it's invisible, so when he sees Nekogami go to where the Shadow is, he leads Rei until he walks into the wall. His face... hurts. God fucking dammit. BONGOGAMIIIIIII AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Terry covers his face with his free hand, but notices that Rei can pass, but not him. He figures that Nekogami will always be stubborn in not letting Terry in no matter what, so his jaws clench for a second before relaxing. ]

... Rei, I'm sorry. I'll be right here. I can't pass through, but you can. Please... Please help Kido.

[ He hates putting the burden on Rei, but if he's being rejected and Rei isn't... ]

[ rei follows nekogami, not even aware that there's even a barrier. she only stops when terry stops and she can't drag his hand through. she looks down at their hands then up at terry. oh... she feels a little nervous about going in alone but this isn't something that she should back away from. she takes a deep breath and nods. ]

I'll be okay, T-chan. I'll be back with neechan.

[ she tightly squeezes terry's hand once, trying to reassure him, before she lets go and heads towards the back of the room where the shadow sits. ]

Neechan...?

Hi, Rei.

[ The Shadow doesn't even acknowledge Terry... though she did glance at him when he ran into the barrier. Terry can shout through the barrier if he needs to add to the conversation. She could make it closer so he doesn't have to shout twenty feet across the room, but nah.

There's no smile on the Shadow's face when she looks at Rei, and her eyes are cold and sharp, detached despite having Kido's favorite people here in front of her. ]

It shouldn't take much longer, but I'll be out soon, and I'll leave with you. But I won't be able to be your neechan anymore.

[ Holy shit. You can't just say that in front of Rei's face and get away with it?! Terry immediately grows angry, but he forces himself to stay calm. Vassago is also incredibly angry, because Terry's just that furious and keeping it all in only affects the dragon even more. They made something like a "pact" so that Vassago would only appear when Terry wills him to with an omamori, but it's really difficult right now.

Also, you know what? Fuck this. He stays quiet, but his hand is feel on the wall as if to press against it. However, there's no pressure exuding from his hand. He does want to break it like his attempts from before, but he doesn't do it. His hands tense as he looks down. He's probably too busy wallowing in his anguish from what seems to others around him, but he's just pinpointing in an attempt to extract information from what the Shadow and Kido truly want. He's not going to let them find out. ]

[ immediately, the shadow throws a knife and digs it into rei's heart with a single line. being able to call kido her neechan and be seen as part of her family was one of the most defining moments for rei so to hear that kido can't be her neechan anymore, it hurts. it hurts really badly and it causes her to grip onto her sweater tightly with both hands. however, she doesn't falter. maybe kido can still be her neechan if they do this correctly. ]

But why...? If you leave like this, you won't even be completely neechan anymore.

People grow and change, Rei. Sooner or later, she'll have to discard parts of herself. I'm helping her do that.

[ Forcing her. Whatever, it's the same thing. ]

She'll still be Tsubomi Kido, whether I'm the one in charge, or how she is now. Isn't that fine?

[ She'll still be herself, and that's what the Shadow believes in, because the Shadow is strong and unaffected, a person who can stand on her own, and the person Kido's always wanted to become. A part of her is already the leader and hero she strives to be, and then there's everything else that goes against that ideal.

Essentially, the Shadow wants Kido to stay alive no matter what, until they escape from this place. This is the part of Kido who desperately wants to go home, to be able to die with her family back home, who she can never tell anybody else about because the few times she brought it up, Rei looked like she was going to cry, and Terry did cry. But she still wants to go home, and if she dies any more in this world, she won't be able to.

If she wants to stay alive, she can't rely on others. She has to stand up for herself. She's strong enough to, and she's more than capable of it, and the Shadow embodies all of that. But she has to let go of everybody she cares about for that to happen, and this is where Kido drew the line, denying the Shadow and creating all of this. Choosing her family here, over the one she had back home. ]

[ He bites his bottom lip, because a part of him also wanted to let go of Kido because she wanted to go back home and die with her family there. It was her wish and he wanted to respect that. But another part of him wanted Kido to be with him and not go back to being permanently dead back home. He spent over forty thousand years missing Kido, Rei, and his friends. He cried a lot about it. He was lonely. ]

You're saying that she'll grow, but she can't do that on her own. People grow and change with other people, not by withdrawing into your shell and letting your Shadow do all the work. People are driven away by that, which is what you want. When people typically say "growing as a person", it means something positive. Her family back home helped her grow into the person she is now, isn't she? She's already a strong person. She tries her hardest when it matters and doesn't give up. When she falls and needs help getting back up, her friends are there for her to help her back on her feet. People can still be kind and strong! They don't have to choose one over the other!

Edited 2019-11-11 20:01 (UTC)

[ she just shakes her head at the shadow's question. she's struggling to find her words. she wishes that she could be like kanji and put all of her thoughts and emotions into a punch and that's enough to convey everything to kido, but she can't do that. she also wishes that zen was here to help her find her words or leader and vice leader to guide her as they did before, but she has to do this. she's glad that she at least has terry, even if he's twenty feet back and probably has to yell so they can just barely hear him. ]

Discarding isn't changing. Growing and changing... it's-- it's taking the bad things that you really don't like about yourself and accepting them and learning from them. I know it's hard... and it's really easy to blame everyone else or yourself and to cut the things that you don't like, but that's why you try really hard and don't give up.

[ she takes a shaky breath. she recalls her own time in the hospital, when she was niko and thought it was so much easier to be bitter and angry, lashing out at others so she wouldn't get hurt... ]

Neechan is lucky. She's really lucky... like T-chan said, she has friends here. She's not alone. She doesn't have to do everything by herself, even if she thinks she has to.

[ The Shadow shakes her head slowly. ]

We can still be friends. I'm not taking that away from her. But I cannot be your neechan, [ she looks from Rei to Terry ] and we cannot be family anymore.

She values her friends a lot, but when it comes down to it, they aren't always there to help. Sometimes, they're the problem in the first place. She's been let down so many times already, not just here but from before too. So why should she give anybody any more chances?

We'll still be family no matter what!

[ Terry screams as if to vehemently reject. Even if the Shadow rejects that notion, Terry won't let that happen, not on his life. ]

But you know what, you're right. Friends can't always be there for each other, as much as we'd want to. As much as I'd like to. I'd always strive to help Kido! I'd do anything to keep her safe! You think I enjoyed it when she died back then?! All those times?! I was always too late or held back by brainwashing or whatever fucking excuses I'd give, but I'll never give up on trying to protect Kido! And she's the one who keeps giving those chances because she wants to believe in her friends again, doesn't she?! Friends will help her grow if you let her. Like I said, friends will help her grow as a person so that she doesn't have to constantly rely on her friends all the time! But there's nothing wrong with falling back on them either! She's the one always telling me things,like not to do everything by myself and to rely on friends some more.

[ He breathes in. ]

SO TAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING ADVICE, KIDO!!

[ "i cannot be your neechan"... with that again, the knife in rei's heart is twisted and turned, causing her to grip her sweater even tighter. it causes her to take a pause, barely be able to breathe in through that choking feeling in her throat, but that's enough for terry to scream all... that. ]

T-chan!

[ she looks back at terry with a disapproving expression. it's not like rei doesn't completely agree with everything because she does, but cursing, yelling, and getting angry isn't the right way. she doesn't think so. she doesn't want nekogami to start lashing out or for shadow kido to push them out, just because it seems like things might get aggressive. ]

I-- I'm sorry, neechan... T-chan is just trying to help and-- I'm sorry that we keep letting you down... I'm really, really sorry...

[ just like with yuki and her nurse, niko shouldn't have stopped giving them chances and tried to cut off connections with them, just because they've disappointed her and she was angry at them. it only alienated her so much further and only made her feel so much worse. she can see where kido's shadow is coming from, but it's not right. ]

But rejecting friends and the people around you, to stop giving them chances, that's not good either... being alone is bad. It won't make you stronger. You'll just get alone and-- and sad and angry and you won't be what you want to be...

[ Shadow Kido lets out a breath after all this ranting. It's a tired sigh, because they're all things she's already taken into consideration. She knows Terry tried his best and will always try his best, and she knows how much Kido still loves him and Rei despite everything that happened with them. But what good is it when they're such a huge part of the problem? ]

I told you, we'll still be friends. She won't be alone. But she'll only ever be friends with anybody... That's it. She loves you two a lot, I'm sure you know.

[ Loves. She still does. That's why she's still fighting, even if she can't be here with them. ]

She loves her family so much. Family is what she values most. She tried so hard to protect you, Rei, but she failed back at the storehouse. She tried so hard to bring Terrence back, but she failed him, and he failed her. If she didn't know you two, she wouldn't have gotten involved, and she wouldn't have had to go through all that pain and suffering. She wouldn't have been driven to the point she is now.

But she still loves you. That's why I'm letting you stay friends. That's why I'm going to erase all her memories of all the times she's been hurt because of her friends, and I'll erase what feelings she has for you two. She'll still be your friend, and she'll be happy, and she'll be safe.

[ Terry nearly lets out a growl, but tries so hard to hold himself back. He puts pressure on his hands as he claws at the wall. ]

If you know so much, then you should know that pain and suffering is also a part of life. Kido has gone through a lot; I know that. She died every time she went back home. And I know that's why Nekogami is pissed at me, because I didn't help matters here either. We all failed Kido at some point. but there's more to life than just being strong. Memories also make up a person as to what they are. Why do you hate all these parts of her even though she's trying her best to make up for it?! Don't underestimate how strong people can be!

[ He grits his teeth to bite back a "you're the one that's running away". ]

She can still rely on others and not die. It's not like she chose to die back home. Are you going to blame her for that too? When that guy shot her to death? Sometimes, things in life just happen and there's nothing you can do about it, no matter how much you hate it. Even without us, all that can still happen to Kido. There are plenty of times when that already happened. I'm sure you know too. No matter how much you want control over a situation, things won't always go the way you want.

[ rei looks occassionally back at terry, especially when he talks, trying to see if he's holding himself back and not trying to get aggressive. half of her wants to go back to him and hold his hand, trying to help him calm down, but the other half of her wants to take kido's hand. she looks between the two and chooses the later, if she's allowed. she wants to go up to the throne and slowly reach out for the shadow's hand. ]

And... even if you erase neechan's memories and feelings... they're still going to be there. They'll come back. Leader and Vice Leader forgot about me, but after we met again, they cared about me again. And they like and help me, just like they did before.

[ maybe this isn't a very good example considering that souji and minato forgot everything, but she still thinks the point stands. they had some kind of past before this world and it seems to be repeating. ]

Taking away neechan's memories and feelings won't keep her safe... because she'll forget everything and won't learn from it.

[ She takes Rei's hand, but it's only that: something for Rei to hold onto with no comfort to herself. At least, unlike with the real Kido, the Shadow's hand is only cool instead of ice cold. ]

She's done that before, you know? Having her memories hidden away so she could continue living, instead of wanting to die because she couldn't handle the despair.

[ And then Kido grew up to have more and more despair layered on top of each other BUT!!! it lessened things for her at the time. ]

Sometimes, things in life happen, but they didn't have to happen that way. She could have gotten out of that fire instead of staying behind with her sister. She could have been able to fend for herself if she didn't have to protect you in that storehouse, Rei. She would not have died for you, Terrence.

[ The Shadow was calm before, but now she's seething, voice angrier and mood darker with every other line. Terry sure does make her mad. ]

She would not have come back for you. She would not have said something like "Give him back or kill me." She gave her life for you, and you took it. Do you think she learned from that? She still loves you. She would still throw her life away for something like you, and I won't let her!

All these "could haves" and "should haves" and "would haves"--shut the fuck up.

[ He really wants to crack this wall. No matter how much strength he's putting behind it, it won't break. ]

I couldn't help if I was fucking brainwashed! You're such a fucking hypocrite. I bet Nekogami did the exact fucking thing. Fuck you, and the pretentious horse you're on. I didn't want to kill her! I never did! You're the something here and I've had enough of your bullshit and thinking you know everything, because you fucking don't!! I'VE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND ANYTHING, DESPITE BEING A PART OF KIDO!

You're the one who wants to fuck off back home to die! You're the fucking same! You want to die, just like how Kido keeps dying here. But it's not like she wants to die, and you taking over will change literally nothing. You're the one that keeps saying Kido dying here is inevitable. You have no faith in her, so you have no faith in yourself by extension because you're all the fucking same, aren't you!? That's what you've been saying all along, that you're also Tsubomi Kido. You're the same fucking person! Kido has died plenty of times without us being involved, so you'll die too. You're going to fucking die alone when you do, because there will be nobody there with you. You'll have driven them all away. But I guess you won't care about that either, because all you fucking care about is staying alive while shunning everyone else, claiming to be "friends" and not forging anything meaningful with your fucking life, because you only care about yourself!

[ Terry laughs. He's absolutely snapped at this point. All the combined stressors from November and everything from his past finally caught up and crashed down on him. A longbow appears in his hand and a single green arrow is placed in his hand. Something that looks like a magic circle appears above the space beyond the invisible wall.

If you want to die so much, then die-- ]

[open; 11/11 - 11/15] Personal Shadow Event

premise ⬥ taken ⬥ faq ⬥ navigation

→ Lake dungeon, 2nd floor

→ 2nd floor, ???

→ NOTES

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