november dungeon.

[citta]

NOVEMBER DUNGEON

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→ 11/3 Lockdown

When midnight arrives, all light in town disappears save for the sliver of the moon overhead, signifying the start of Lockdown. With the darkness comes cold winds, howling and rattling the windows around town, the gale unavoidable by anybody outside. For some, they've just opened their eyes to stare up at the stone walls of the castle ruins, a silk omamori by their side stating their preferred name and Arcana. Others have been in Hirajiro for several months and know that following the wind brings them to a new dungeon. The gust weaves in and out between the buildings, streaming up the stairs of the shrine in the forest and towards the back where the honden stands. Regardless of where you come from, the doors are open, and the wind gently nudges you across the threshold of the dungeon.

→ Dungeon Main Hub

Inside, a short set of stairs leads down into a dark, empty hallway, meandering and liable to stub toes unless you have a source of light. With electronics non-functioning during Lockdown, you may have to rely on your Persona: summoning is as easy as touching your omamori and willing the Persona into existence, the shadow beneath your feet disappearing and taking the form of the Persona, its presence lighting up the room. Eventually, you come across an archway, a large open space past it that's a perfect circle with a dozen archways total lining the wall. The moment you step inside, your Persona disappears, both it and your powers sealed.

There are dozens of people inside, lost and confused, unfamiliar filtering out of each of the other eleven arches. There are no Shadows, only people— until someone towards the center of the pack lets out a cry of pain, a short boy dropping to one knee and clutching his side. Before him stands a girl, calm on her face, knife in her hand dripping with blood, her blue eyes slowly taking on a golden hue. "I'm fine! I'll hold the line!" the boy shouts behind him, staggering to his feet and raising a fist with the hand not stanching the blood at his side. "You turn back and call the rest of the team for reinforcement!" An older boy turns around to the arch he'd come from, but the way is blocked by an invisible wall. Attempting to exit through any other arch produce the same result: each arch is a barrier allowing people to enter, but none to leave. The girl is sent reeling with one punch from the first boy, and the second causes her to fall apart into black sludge, dropping a fragment of a gemstone that the boy crushes beneath his heel. He looks around at all the strangers in the room, sets his jaw and gestures to his partner. "...It's just you and me, then. We can take these Shadows, even without our Personas."

In this room of strangers with sealed powers, where you can't be sure who's a Shadow and who's a Persona user, the only people you can trust are those who came in with you, who arrived at the castle same as you did, lived with you for months, and fought through Shadows and dungeons by your side as a team. Whether you try to talk it out and risk getting stabbed in the gut with your defense down, or if you just duke it out with everybody to see who falls apart like a Shadow and who hits the ground like a real person, you need to identify and defeat five Shadows, keeping or destroying the gemstone fragments, before the invisible walls drop and allow exit through any of the dozen arches. The longer you stay, more Shadows crop up to replace those who have left; there is no end to them.

Once outside the central room, your powers work again. Returning through the exit you arrived by leads out of the dungeon to the shrine, but at the end of all the other passageways stand a literal door. Sometimes the door looks brand new, with a lacquer shine and golden doorknob, while other times it's a plain door with chipped paint and peeling wood. Both knobs turn easily, silent when the door opens.

→ Option 1: Fear Floor

Through one of the new doors is an empty room, so dark you can't see your hands. When you step inside, you don't hear your footstep. Your powers don't work. You can't hear your voice when you speak, nor your body when you turn, no pounding heart in your chest or pressure behind your eyes no matter how hard you want to cry. There's nothing. You can't see, hear, smell, taste, or feel anything, all five senses robbed from you, leaving you nothing but a conscious mind existing nowhere.

You can will yourself forward but there's no indication you're moving at all, no different from waiting in place, knowing nobody will come to help, and nothing will light the way. Ten minutes pass. Then thirty. One full hour before a speck of light appears in the distance, and you're drawn to it: as you approach, the more of you returns into being, your body first and then the senses one by one until you finally stand in front of a door and step through it to see... Hirajiro. It's the Hirajiro you know so well, except it's summertime again, warm sun above your head, cool breeze wafting through the streets. You're in front of the school, listening to your footsteps as you walk and voice as you call out, but there's no response. There's not a single soul but yourself, everybody gone, from the animals to the people. But there are signs of life everywhere: clotheslines with fresh laundry in people's backyards, grocery stores with fresh produce, a bicycle left leaning against a tree by the lake with a set of worn sneakers neatly placed beside it. Your hand goes right through the apple you're reaching for, your entire body phases through the wall of a house without having to open the door— you can't open the door, because you can't touch anything in this town, having become a ghost bound only by the ground you walk on and ever-present gravity that keeps you to it.

But you won't be alone forever. Eventually, somebody exits from the school just like you did, looking lost and bewildered but you can't hear what they're saying. Whether a stranger or someone you were exploring with, your hand phases right through them. But you can see them, and they can see you, both ghosts in a world you can't interact with. Hopefully, you and your partner are very good at charades, and can keep calm, because tinge of fear or trace of anxiety takes root the moment you're aware of it, negative emotions within you growing uncontrollably the longer you remain here, until, out of the corner of your eye, you see a black blob of a Shadow disappear around the corner of a building, and you feel empty again.

Eventually, you'll find the exit at wherever either of you were living, whether a house or the castle or a dumpster. There's a door with faint blue light filtering between the gaps, and it takes both people touching the door to become tangible once more, able to turn the knob and step through. When you do, you're hit with a vision of being underwater, dark hair floating by your face as you grip a sword tightly in your hand and drive it into the ground at your feet. There's a burst of pain at the back of your head like somebody had taken a sledgehammer to it, and you stumble out the door, back in the dungeon. A round mirror lies on the ground, easily stepped on and easily noticeable, fitting in the palm of your hand if picked up. At the end of the hall are two doors: one new, one old.

→ Option 2: Memory Floor

Entering one of the older doors, you immediately step in a pool of blood on the rooftop of a large building, dark clouds shrouding the night sky and a towering Shadow standing before you. You're not alone. Beside you is anybody you entered the door with, along with your closest friends from here or from home, numbering ten in all. Without warning, the Shadow raises its hand and fire rains down from the sky, initiating the battle; even with ten people and ten Personas, the Shadow is overwhelming, three times your level and easily picking people off one by one despite them doing everything they can to keep alive, casting healing spells on one another, digging healing and revival items out of their pockets to shove in people's mouths. It's never enough. The Shadow shrugs off every attack thrown at it, and even if you survive chipping away at all its health, it simply heals itself and continues the onslaught. Eventually, you run out of items, your friends all laying at your feet with blood pouring out of bodies sliced cleanly in half, the stench of burnt flesh with bodies charred beyond recognition. Eventually, it's just you and your partner, and there's no way you can win.

Setting down your weapon to give up and take the final blow, you'll be knocked out and will wake up outside of the shrine when Lockdown ends. But if you grit your teeth and attack with all you have, despite no chance of winning, no matter how long the battle draws out or how tired you are, you find that you won't ever fall. As long as you attack, you're able to cling to that last bit of health no matter how many times you're thrown to the ground or blasted with spells. Your Persona hangs on, pulling together strength and magic it shouldn't have left, long after either of you should have run out of steam. If you push through exhaustion and pain, even if it takes hours, the Shadow will eventually fall— revive, but fall again, forcing you to battle it fourteen times before it stays down for good, dissolving into black sludge that covers the ground and bubbles up into small Shadows that crawl down the sides of the tower. The bodies of your fallen friends disappear along with it, and the door behind you shines again.

When you open the door, you're suddenly staring at the contents of a refrigerator, specifically at a container of stir fried veggies in an alarming shade of red. In this vision, you take the container and grab a spoon to scoop out a large spoonful— you almost spit it back out when you're hit with the heat, burning pain that sears your mouth and throat, piercing your nose and making your eyes water so badly you can't see the sink you throw your spoon into. And then the vision fades, returning you to the quiet of the dungeon, staring down at the ground, at the gold metallic sheen of a tarot card. Comparing them with others confirms that each person receives the same Arcana as listed on their omamori, the card unnaturally heavy in their hand. At the end of the hall are two doors: one new, one old.

→ Boss Door (unlocked)

Passage through each door ends in another set of two doors, always one new and one old, the new granting a mirror upon completion and the old a tarot card. Turning back just once, no matter how many doors you've passed through, returns you to the main hub with the arches and Shadow doppelgängers. Catching the Shadows in the mirrors exposes golden eyes and black smoke lingering about their feet, their reflection showing their true nature and allowing for easy identification to destroy what you can or ignore them and leave.

Pressing forward through door after door, eventually, instead of another branching point, the hall leads to a large golden door that towers dozens of meters above you, a dozen eyes on its surface looking around independently of one another, until you enter and all eyes are on you. Thick splatters of blood coat a pile of thorny vines that lie scattered across the floor, the trail of blood leading up to and beyond that door which refuses to open until you pay the toll: 22 imprints mark the edges of the door matching the size of the tarot card you may have received before coming here. The Fool, The Priestess, The Emperor, The Lovers, The Hanged Man, The Sun, The Star. Each space must be filled with its corresponding tarot card in order to pass, forcing you to return once you've found everybody with the remaining Arcana, whether inside the dungeon or outside in town.

→ Welcome to OU Hirajiro

Stepping outside the dungeon, you see the shrine outside caked with dry mud, grimy stone lanterns now lit with white-blue flames that are pretty to look at, but offer no warmth, and while the sign that's supposed to display the deity's name is still blank after being wiped clean, a closer look shows the handwritten word "JOKER" barely visible under several coats of white paint. At the center of the shrine, the offertory box stands empty aside from a few gemstones, like the fragments found in the dungeon except whole, sides of the box green with slime, rest of the ground coated with wet leaves and the occasional puddle. The only thing spotless is the honden you walked out of, untouched by the deluge from last month, and it was definitely not here before, the space behind the shrine always having been bushes, the preferred hiding place of a fox that lives in the area. A large statue of a bird flanks its entrance on both sides, and the doors are easily opened during Lockdown, though remaining tightly closed during the rest of the day. Standing on the top of the step, you can see the ruins of the castle in the forest, and the town in the distance blanketed with fog.

OU only Changes to the shrine have happened once before, you recall, back in August when the first ofuda was returned to the castle. Going there now confirms your suspicions: the second floor is restored, two ofudas fused into the stone door set into the ground of the first floor. The rest of the ground is littered with scraps of torn tarps, blankets, and rope, especially around the throne guarding the Velvet Room door. Entering the Velvet Room, music starts playing in your head again that you cannot tune out. As of 11/13, the music has changed to this. ...You decide to leave. The second floor of the castle is decorated with similar murals to those on the first floor, the ground polished to a sheen compared to the rough stone making up the rest of the castle. Most of the second floor is barren, with open windows large enough to step comfortably through lining the outer walls. A room which might be an armory near the center, going by the few tarnished pikes and plain round shields left lying on the ground, but the weapons are brittle with time and easily broken, just like the stairs to the third floor that no longer hold weight. Despite being further restored, parts of the castle still look on the verge of falling apart, and perhaps that's why a single bear wanders outside of the castle, looking at it with curiosity, but does not enter. When you follow the path back to town, you find the streets hazy with fog that developed following the recent rainfall, but it'll clear up by morning. While it's still Lockdown, though, small black blobs of Shadows creep out of the school and the lake, crawling around the streets and poking their heads into any open houses, as if searching for something, squeaking and scattering when a yell booms through the empty street: "Why are there so many of them?!!" It's the same boy who got stabbed before inside the dungeon, apparently having left instead of venturing further. His wound has been magically healed but now he's livid, sword clutched in his hand and shouting at you through the bandanna covering his nose and mouth the moment he makes eye contact, "What the hell did you guys do?! Forget about the dungeons— get out your weapons and help me get rid of these Shadows NOW!!" Looks like you'd better either stab a Shadow, or he's going to stab you, judging by the terror and fury in his violet eyes as he cuts down a Shadow with the sword in his hands, slicing through it and splattering black gunk everywhere in a single stroke. He doesn't even bother calling for his Persona. You don't get it, but you think something must be wrong.

AU only This isn't the Hirajiro you know. It's obvious just by looking at the shrine you stepped out of, no longer run down and falling apart, no smashed lanterns or murky shrine water or broken sign. Turning on your heels to look around, the castle isn't where it's supposed to be either, and there are two floors instead of just the one. From this height, you can see faint blue light from the door to the Velvet Room still in the castle, but when you enter, it's all wrong. Your Velvet Room is not a train, nor did it have this annoying music, and those are not your Attendants looking calmly back at you from the lounge or the kitchen, smiling faintly instead of scowling and yelling for you to get back out there and fight while it's still Lockdown. It's weird. There's a door at the center of the castle, two ofudas already in place when you were warned not to bring them here, and you realize why it feels so wrong. It happened differently here. Everything is wrong. The streets through town are dry instead of you having to wade through two feet of water, and the fog that hangs in the air isn't tinted red, nor is it thick and choking like the fog smothering your own town, that's been making the townspeople sick and tired until they could barely function. The buildings are all in the wrong places, but none of it's sunk into the lake following the series of earthquakes that hit Hirajiro back home. Shadows roam the town, but instead of fighting them to keep them off the streets, the Persona users here ignore them to fight in the dungeons, needlessly slaughtering Shadows and for what? It's the Shadows on the streets they should be worrying about, seeking out and attacking sleeping or unguarded Persona users and eating their psyche, leaving them in a vegetative state. There are too many people that have become like that here. It's wrong. When Lockdown ends and people and animals return to the world; rather than with storm water, the streets are flooded with an absurd number of cats, meowing sweetly up at you and rubbing against your ankles. You recognize many of the people around town, but they don't recognize you— not your boss, your friends, or the cute waitress who always smiles brightly when she sees you and asks if you want the usual. None of the townspeople know who you are, because you don't belong here; it's not your world. No matter how many times you enter the shrine dungeon, no matter which doors you try to exit through, you can't get home. You need to go back no matter what, before everybody in your team gets trapped here and there's nobody left to protect your Hirajiro from falling apart, but there's no way out.

The next morning, the sun rises with clear blue skies and bustling streets, stores reopening following the flood, and children laughing and screaming in the parks because the school is closed for repairs. Life in town is peaceful, because the people here don't know what goes on in that hidden hour, or how things differ so much between a dozen Hirajiros, and the Persona users trying to protect them.

You thought the storm had passed, but you're wrong: you're just in the eye of it.

→ MOD NOTES

⬥ Welcome to Cetana's Fourth Wall event and third dungeon log! Please take the time to read through the important notes below.

⬥ For 4th wall characters, please include your character's Name, canon/CRAU, and whether they are OU or AU in the subject line

⬥ AU characters may come from the same or different versions of Hirajiro, with 12 parallel worlds represented and NPC Persona users filling in to number around 20 to 30 Persona users per world. For the purpose of this log/continuity in threads, the short shouty boy who gets stabbed and then threatens to stab is Natsuo, played by one of the mods.

(click to expand details) Key differences for AU characters:
◇ The previous two Daitengu's ofudas were obtained through negotiation, and as a group, the Persona users agreed to cooperate with the Daitengu, who are left alive and provide stat boosts and occasional advice. Some Persona users, however, believe leaving the Daitengu alive is the cause of the natural disasters befalling the town, and advocate killing them and all the Shadows to save the town.
◇ The Daitengu advised them to keep hold of the ofuda but do not return them to the castle until all four are collected, so the castle and shrine remain unrestored. Gemstones dropped by Shadows are destroyed instead of donated to the offertory box, but while the Personas are weaker than those in OU Hirajiro, Persona users all retain the full scope of their canon/CRAU powers.
◇ They are aware that Shadows outside the dungeons attack Persona users and leave them in a state of ego death, so after reaching the end of each dungeon and before the next one, they focus their efforts on fighting the Shadows on the streets to keep their teammates from becoming zombies. As a result, there are little to no zombies in the AU Hirajiros, compared to two thirds of the Persona users being zombies in OU Hirajiro.
◇ There may be one or two Velvet Room Attendants, but all emphasize defeating Shadows in the dungeons and killing the Daitengu, as leaving them alive has caused a heatwave, flooding, earthquakes, and a thick poisonous fog covering town. The relationship between the Attendants and their Guests are strained, especially after the early decision to side with the Daitengu, and Persona users are referred to by their Arcana rather than their name.

(click to expand details) Instead of a set number of floors to clear, each door leads to its own floor. The two in the log are examples of what they may look like, but with many floors in the dungeon, the rest are created by players, representing their characters' fears:
◇ Behind new doors are constructs of your character's worst fears, the room/obstacles freely designed by the players. They may feature physical fears (giant spiders, rotting zombies, towering giraffes, etc) or conceptual ones. The example above reflects Souji's fear of being alone, featuring loss of senses representing how he feels like he's nothing without people, and the empty town forcing characters in a situation where they are alone, unable to reach anybody nor affect the world until they find someone to escape with. After confronting the fear and exiting, each character receives a memory and a mirror.
◇ Behind old doors are constructs of your characters' worst memories (their own death or somebody else's, situations they deeply regret, etc). Characters experience the memory, but with deviations because characters are no longer facing them alone. The example above is Minato's memory of the final battle against the Nyx Avatar. What he fears most isn't the fight, but losing his friends, so the memory twists into a hopeless battle where not everybody can be saved. Characters confront the fear by focusing on the battle and acknowledging that death is inevitable. After confronting the fear and exiting, each character receives a memory and a tarot card of their Arcana. All 22 Arcanas must be represented for the boss door to open, but OOCly we won't require one of each.

⬥ Players creating their own fear floors are encouraged to submit their floors to the toplevel below for other characters to explore. These floors will exist regardless of which characters enter it, while memory floors reflect memories of only the characters present. Players are free to create multiple fear floors and memory floors for their character.

⬥ Every time a room is completed, the character receive a memory, which may be mundane or plot related (preference given to current characters in the game). To receive a memory, please comment to the appropriate toplevel with the completed thread. There is no limit to the number of memories you can receive, and receiving memories is optional.

⬥ To access the boss, a minimum of 10 threads across the entire player base must be reported to the toplevel below, with a maximum of 2 threads per player containing at least 5 comments from each character. These threads may involve Fourth Wall characters, but only players currently in the game may submit threads. A toplevel for the boss will go up upon once 10 threads are reported, and overall, threads are due by the end of the month to avoid IC consequences.

⬥ This month, the full moon occurs on 11/11 - 11/13, during which Personas are more prone to behave strangely, lash out, summon themselves without being called, etc. This is an optional mechanic.

Comments

[suddenlybees]

[ Kano stuffs the bloody leaves back inside Yuya's mouth.

Ala, for her part, puts up another wall of ice to keep Kiyohime away, and then turns around and smacks Yuya on the side of the head, because if he falls unconscious, his Persona will disappear too, and then Kano can fix everything and everything will be alright! She has no patience for long drawn out battles. It's easier this way. Go to sleep. ]

[hippocarnival]

[Well.

It works.

Yuya's out like a light and Kiyohime evaporates.]

[suddenlybees]

[ Ohh, good job, Ala. Kano makes sure the leaves are inside Yuya's mouth and keeps his hand on Yuya's jaw so they don't fall out, and hopefully he doesn't choke on them. Healing should take care of his throat, but everything else is such a mess.

Where does Yuya even live? Ala turns into a large black dragon and Kano hauls Yuya onto her back. He's going to drop Yuya off in front of the maid cafe. ]

[hippocarnival]

[Nobody's there at this hour, and it's cold, but nobody's going to stop him, either. Certainly not Yuya who's probably unconscious for another thirty minutes until he does almost accidentally choke on the leaves.]

[suddenlybees]

[ It would be nice to swoop in and out while Yuya's distracted and unconscious, and never have to actually face him again, but Kano can't be sure that whatever the hell happened won't happen again, so he sticks around.

Not as himself, though. He's out somewhere... and he leaves his Persona behind to look after Yuya, because Yuya has bad friends who won't look after him themselves. She takes the form of a little black snake coiled up on Yuya's chest, and when he chokes on the leaves she pulls them out so he can breathe, and then puts them back in his mouth. ]

[hippocarnival]

[They might as well have let Kiyohime keep murdering him. It might've been therapeutic.

He spits the leaves out again as his eyes flutter open, turning his head away and pushing his hand to try and bat away whatever's trying to force them in.]

[suddenlybees]

[ Honestly, yeah... Yuya doesn't get happiness.

Ala's not entirely sure if Yuya's scared of snakes, so she changes forms into a less imposing black crow that hops lightly on Yuya's stomach. She caws a little, but as expected, Kano doesn't come out from wherever he is. ]

[hippocarnival]

[Yuya glances at the crow. He moves, slow and sluggish, to sit up, staring straight ahead with dull eyes and blood dried all over him. His shirt is ripped.

He doesn't really focus on things like that, though. It's hard to tell what he's focusing on, because all he does is sit there in silence, too worn out to push himself any further.]

[suddenlybees]

[ Why do people keep being like this... Ala flaps her wings so she can roost on Yuya's head and peck him lightly on the forehead. A little tap tap tap to try to bring him back to the present. ]

[hippocarnival]

[She can keep tapping, he doesn't pay attention to it. He's too tired. Dizzy. Numb.

The first thing his Persona did was try to kill him, as if the day hadn't been hell enough. the thing they were supposedly all brought here about, he can't even do that. What is he even doing with himself?]

[suddenlybees]

[ Persona users are such a pain, Ala thinks to herself, and the light bird on Yuya's head becomes a heavy person weight, long blond hair tumbles down onto Yuya's face because it's Tsubomi's face staring down his, upside down because she's standing over Yuya and looking down. ]

Yuyaaaaaaaa. Wake up!

[hippocarnival]

[Yuya lurches when he feels the weight on him, until it lifts off and he looks up. Even upside down, he can recognize that face.]

Kano.

[... Kind of.]

[suddenlybees]

Oh! You're awake!

[ Ala grins and moves around so she can crouch down at Yuya's side instead of looming over him like that. ]

Mm, I'm going to have to disappoint you, but I'm only just a part of Shuuya! My name's Ala, and I'm his Persona. What the hell happened with yours?

[hippocarnival]

I don't know. [Honestly, someone who gets Personas more than he does can probably link the massive stress and depression he's under with her going haywire, but Yuya's not putting it together right now.

It wasn't like she said anything.] Where's Kano?

[suddenlybees]

Um... He and I can't be too far apart, so he's nearby.

[ She leans back, staring up at the sky, knowing exactly where he is and it's not up there. ]

Do you want to talk to him? He's scared of talking to you.

[hippocarnival]

... Scared? [Yuya doesn't really seem to react much to that. Is he surprised? Disbelieving? Hard to say.]

He's the one who asked me to stay, and then he ran away. [When Yuya told him not to.

It hurt. Just one more sharp-pointed agony to spear through him. He can't feel the difference between them anymore.]

[suddenlybees]

I know. I'm a part of him too, so I know.

[ All their conversations in this world, she was there to listen in on; all the ones in Kano's past, she only gets a gist of it, emotions and feelings rather than words and images. ]

He's scared of making things worse, and making you cry like last time. You know how he likes to plan everything out first, just to be safe. This isn't something he can do that for, though, so you're making that real hard for him, Yuya!

[hippocarnival]

I don't think anything he could have said would hurt worse than leaving me, after I agreed to stay for him. [Yuya closes his eyes, letting out a breath.]

I know it's hard. I'm hard to deal with... especially right now.

[He doesn't even want to deal with himself. Let alone expect anyone else to.

He tilts his head back, looking at the sky.] I won't be mad if he gives up on me. [Yuya still thinks that's the best thing. He's too broken to fix.] I said it'd be easier.

[At least if he gives up, then the distance is something that can be dragged between them until Kano heals. None of the start and stop, or the fear, or any of the struggling.]

[suddenlybees]

Mm. He's pretty bad at physically being there for people, huh? He likes to do things in the background.

[ It doesn't help much, compared to Kano being there and doing things himself, but he likes the shadows and is comfortable there.

Ala goes ahead and pats Yuya's head, since Kano isn't here to do anything. ]

You'll be sad, though, right? If he gives up on you? You still care about him... and that's why he doesn't want to give up. He doesn't want to make you sad like that.

[hippocarnival]

... No. [Yuya's gaze drifts sideways to Ala.] If it's for my sake, he doesn't need to do anything. I really do just want everything to end.

[And it won't matter--if anything, he'll go out with less guilt if people give up on saving him, because he doesn't see how he can keep going like this.

Does Ala see it? The hollowness in his voice, the lack of life in his gaze... can she tell how deep the pain is running?

They won't find a part of Yuya that wants to hold on. He agreed, because Kano almost begged him. And then he left, and Yuya only had his aching heart pounding in an echo chamber. Wearing himself to dust trying to care for Toki when he doesn't even want to care for himself.]

I don't... want him to do anything for me if he doesn't want to. I don't want to do this. I just want to go.

[suddenlybees]

...Yeah. I know how that feels. You're just like Shuuya.

[ The emptiness and exhaustion, they're things they all know well. But there's a part of Kano that holds on, and Ala supposes she's that part of him, who reaaaaaaally wants him to keep going, to keep that smile on his face even if he has to force it. ]

He's really lucky, though. He's got people he loves, and that's why he hangs on. Don't you?

[hippocarnival]

Of course I love them. [He meant that.] But I don't want to hang on.

[Kano wished his existence away, once. With how alike they are in their self-hatred, their expectations of themselves... is isn't surprising Yuya could hit the same point.]

He has people he loves besides me. If he's already running away... he can keep it up.

[He'll find Yuya won't matter in the end, he's sure. Slowly, he pushes himself to his feet.]

[suddenlybees]

[ Ala puts a hand on Yuya's forehead and pushes him back down. ]

You're silly, Yuya. People can't dedicate their lives to just one person. He needs you too.

[hippocarnival]

[Yuya grunts as he's pushed down.] He has three.

[He shakes his head.] I can't be what he needs me to be. He's going to avoid me until I'm like I was before, right?

[suddenlybees]

[ Most people have more than three friends, but that's not the point. ]

Do you think he needs you to be happy? You're pretty gloomy, so that's going to take a long time... It's not like he particularly likes happy people, anyways.

[ Gestures at Toki who can be more concerning than fun to be around, and Maverick who pretends to be a grump all the time. Gestures at Kano, honestly; it's hard to connect with happy people sometimes. ]

He's just stuck right now 'cause he can't answer your question. But hey, Yuya. Since you're also stuck, do distractions help at all or do you just want to mope for the next few years?